How Do I Handle My ADHD Child Criticizing Me?

Parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging, and one common experience is dealing with criticism when they're frustrated or things don't go their way. It can be tough to hear, but it's important to remember that these criticisms often stem from the child's difficulty regulating emotions and expressing themselves effectively. In this blog, I share a simple but powerful technique I use with my own son – three words that can help de-escalate the situation and prevent arguments.

The Three Words That Make a Difference

Is your child with ADHD like my son, who likes to criticize me when he's frustrated about something I did or things aren't going his way? Well, I want to share with you the three words I say to him when he is complaining about me or making a lot of noise, which is my term for arguing or complaining for the sake of arguing or complaining.

A Real-Life Example

Let me give you an example. Recently, I didn't give my son very clear directions about something that he needed to do and he got frustrated. And of course he called me and started complaining and told me everything that I did wrong. So I used on him the three words that I've said to him for many years now, which are these: "Okay, thank you."

Why "Okay, Thank You" Works

The reason why I say "Okay, thank you", and nothing else is because:

• Acknowledgement: I want him to know that I'm listening to him.
• Boundary Setting: I want him to understand he's not going to pull me into the argument, reasoning, or negotiation vortex.
• Brief Apology (if needed): I apologize for not giving him clear directions.

Beyond the Three Words

Beyond that, I don't need to go into over explaining or over empathizing with him or playing armchair therapist and asking him lots of why and feeling questions. All I do is say I'm sorry I didn't give you clear directions. And then when he goes on, I just say, "Okay, thank you.", and eventually he gets it out of his system and he's done.

Try It Yourself

So try that. When your kids are criticizing you or complaining about something that you did, just say, okay, thank you. If you have to apologize, obviously you apologize and leave it at that. You don't have to get into more than that.

 In Scaffolding Better Behavior, I teach parents actionable strategies to help not get pulled into the vortex as I mentioned, and also how to help improve behavior at home as well as flexibility. So please check out Scaffolding Better Behavior as well as the Behavior Playlist at the ADHD Dude YouTube channel.