Creating a Positive Learning Environment for ADHD Students

Just recently, I met with a family whose five-year-old son—let’s call him Adam—is in kindergarten and showing many of the common challenges I see in young boys with ADHD: emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and some aggressive behavior. When I asked what kinds of supports the school was using with Adam, the parents described strategies that are all too familiar in early childhood classrooms: helping him verbalize feelings, using a “feelings chart” with Popsicle sticks, and encouraging him to label his emotions when he starts to dysregulate.

Unfortunately, those well-intended strategies were making Adam more dysregulated, not less.

This is something I see often in elementary schools, especially with young boys who have ADHD. And it’s something I want to help parents understand so they can advocate for more effective support at school—and feel confident sharing what’s actually helping at home.

When “Talking About Feelings” Makes Things Worse

Many schools emphasize emotional language and emotional awareness as the foundation for behavior support. That sounds great in theory—but in practice, it often backfires for boys with ADHD.

Why? Because:

• Boys’ brains process emotional language differently than girls’ brains. Girls typically access emotional vocabulary more quickly and naturally.
• Kids with ADHD struggle with cognitive flexibility. Asking them to label and reflect on their emotions in the heat of the moment can make them feel stuck, frustrated, or more overwhelmed.
• Focusing on negative emotions can increase rumination. Rather than helping a child calm down, it can keep them emotionally activated.

In Adam’s case, every time the staff took him to the feelings board or encouraged him to “use his words,” it escalated his behavior instead of helping him regulate. That’s not unusual for a child with ADHD—and it doesn’t mean the school is doing anything wrong. It just means they need to adapt their strategies to better match how Adam’s brain works.

What Worked at Home — and Why the School Needs to Hear About It

When I asked Adam’s parents what was working at home, they told me that using the strategies from the Creating Daily Expectations and Scaffolding Better Behavior courses inside the ADHD Dude Membership Site had made a real difference.

That’s exactly what I like to hear.

I encouraged them to share not just the strategies—but also the downloadable cheat sheets and terms used in the courses—with Adam’s teachers. Why? Because when there’s consistency between home and school, kids with ADHD are more likely to succeed. Consistent language, consistent expectations, and consistent responses across environments help reduce confusion and dysregulation.

And if something clearly isn’t working—like a feelings board or delayed rewards—it’s okay (and even helpful) to communicate that to the school. Most teachers appreciate when parents bring practical, tested solutions to the table—especially when they’re already seeing results at home.

Why Incentives Need to Be Immediate

One thing Adam’s school was trying was incentivizing “good” behavior with a reward at the end of the day. That sounds like a reasonable plan—except that it doesn’t align with how the ADHD brain works.

Kids with ADHD have a short time horizon—meaning, their ability to understand and stay motivated by future rewards is limited. A five-year-old with ADHD can’t stay regulated all day just to earn a reward hours later. It’s simply too far out of reach to be meaningful.

That’s why one of the foundational principles I teach is that incentives need to be immediate. Whether it’s helping with transitions, managing impulsivity, or meeting daily expectations, kids with ADHD need reinforcement that connects directly to the moment.

Why Therapy Alone Isn’t Enough for Young Kids with ADHD

Another thing I want to address is a common misconception: that individual or play therapy will help a young child with ADHD learn coping skills they can use when dysregulated.

It won’t.

Here’s why: kids with ADHD don’t learn emotional regulation skills in a therapist’s office and then generalize them a week later in real life. That’s not how their brains work. ADHD is a delay in executive functioning, and regulation has to be taught and reinforced in-the-moment, consistently, in real environments.

That’s why the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parent training—not therapy—as the first-line, evidence-based treatment for ADHD in young children. Parent training (like what I provide through the ADHD Dude Membership Site) is how we help kids build real-world skills, day by day.

Don’t Be Afraid to Share What Works

If something is helping your child at home—share it with the school. And if something the school is doing is clearly making things worse—it’s okay to say so, respectfully.

As a former school social worker, I can tell you that educators truly want to help. And when you bring them concrete, proven strategies—and a better understanding of how your child’s ADHD brain works—you’re not stepping on toes. You’re building a bridge that leads to more consistency and greater success for your child.

I’ve done this myself with my own son, and teachers have always appreciated the insight. You’re not just advocating for your child—you’re helping the school support them more effectively.