The story of my son's friend "Larry".
I met Larry because he attended the day camp I was running at the school where I worked, and he attended. Coincidentally, he lived in our neighborhood, and he and my son became friends.
Larry would make much "noise" (my term for arguing or complaining) when faced with a non-preferred task. He resorted to a lot of learned helplessness to get adults to do things he could do independently. He had a propensity to be inflexible and lacked a filter. He would argue with my son when he wasn't doing something the way Larry felt it should be done.
Because Larry was at my house a lot and he intuitively knew I understood him, I got to experience these behaviors firsthand.
Larry's parents were wonderful people who knew early on that they would not respond to his noise or accommodate his learned helplessness or inflexibility. They required him to persevere through non-preferred tasks, no matter how much he whined or complained. Most importantly, they did so with "affective calmness."
Despite his significant learning disabilities, he was able to complete a two-year program at a community college. Today, Larry works for a small company that optimizes websites.
I attribute Larry's success as a young adult to his parent's understanding that they could not accommodate his "noise," learned helplessness, or inflexibility. They did not protect him from experiencing temporary distress when something was challenging or non-preferred. They gave him ample independence when he was younger despite his learning challenges.
Larry's parents set him up for success and employment, which should be every parent's long-term goal for their child.
Today, many parents are not doing this because they are unintentionally misled by lousy advice on social media, which tells them to over-protect their children and keep them over-dependent because that is compassionate and "neurodiverse affirming ." Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you want to help your child become an independent and employable young adult who feels good about themselves, you're in the right place.
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